My name is Phoebe and my first year at Cohort 4
I discovered Cohort 4, almost a year to the day. I had seen an article about Cohort 4 in a local free magazine that came through the door, but I hadn’t taken much notice. I had been put on antidepressants in 2019 by my GP after going through various difficult stages in my life, that I just couldn’t cope with. I’d lost my father, which meant my family had fallen apart. I was struggling to have any sort of relationship with my siblings. I was horrified that I was now a lady on antidepressants but discovered it was rather common.
Now at this point in my life, after having difficulties at work and my husband being retired and it was sort of, shall I retire? Or shall I carry on working? I felt at a loss. I was going to and fro to the doctors regarding these situations. I knew I needed more help than just antidepressants. The doctor referred me to a Wellbeing Coach, and she took me to Cohort 4. I wouldn’t go on my own as I was anxious. I didn’t want to open the door. I remember saying I wouldn’t open it if I couldn’t see who was in the room. They’re all going to look at me and ask, ‘what’s she want? What’s she doing here?’
I went to the lunch session with the Wellbeing Coach and I walked in with her and sat down. I didn’t have any lunch because I didn’t feel comfortable and had struggled in the past eating in front of strangers. Then I thought once the ladies started talking, I just thought, this is amazing for all these different ladies. They get together and sit down and chat and have lunch.
Self-worth and feelings at that point
Because I was beginning to slow down and had decided to finish work, I was thinking, what am I going to do with myself? I had very little self-confidence and would hardly ever go anywhere by myself. I’d always have to find somebody to go with me. I was not in a very good place and didn’t have a lot of self-esteem. I felt that people would turn and look at me, judge me, and ask ‘what’s she wearing that for? What’s somebody like her come here for?’ They would be judgmental and I would judge myself. I’ve been that questioning, doubtful person most of my adult life. As a consequence of these things, I had stopped going shopping because I thought that people in the shops were saying, ‘what’s she buying that for? What’s she come in our shop for?’ I don’t know why these things started to happen, but my close friends said it became more apparent when I lost my father.
I think I knew in my heart and from talking to my husband that if I didn’t do something, I was going to become a woman who stayed at home and didn’t go out. I’d have nothing but my husband, maybe a couple of close friends. I knew I needed to get out there and find my purpose in life. As I haven’t had any children, I’ve often questioned my purpose and knew it was only me who could find it. And I know it’s not just about having children, it’s about what I can give to other people and what I can take and learn from them.
That first session – the flowers
At that first Cohort 4 lunch group session a year ago, we sat down and we did an exercise which involved drawing the flower with the petals. We had to write a positive word about ourselves in each petal. And on that day, I couldn’t think of a single word, not one positive word to say about myself. All the other ladies were able to do this exercise and every single one of them read out, sharing their words with the group. Nobody shied away. So it just told me that these Cohort 4 ladies understood, and that’s what made it feel right.
And then I continued to attend Cohort 4
I came back to the Creativity Group and we all made things, we all joined in. Some group members are more creative than others. I’d get up and help the ladies that were struggling, I wanted to get up and help them.
Maria, she saw what I’d started to do, I’d had a little bit of a chat with her and she said, “Can’t you see what you’re doing? Can’t you see how you fit in here?” I replied , “No, not really, it’s just brought me out of myself, and it’s made me feel comfortable again.”
I carried on joining in with all the things and doing what I’d been doing at group. Maybe three months after my first group session, we sat down and we did the flower exercise again. suddenly it was longer a struggle to write down words about myself. I could think of the positives about being me.
I sit and listen to some of the women’s stories if they feel comfortable sharing, I like to listen to the ladies tell me a little bit about themselves. And I think some of the younger ones, appreciate me inviting them to look at a situation in a different way, and I know that this is something I would have struggled to do before. No way would I have chatted or offered any sort of advice to anyone like that before. I’ve changed through being part of Cohort 4. I enjoy helping some of the ladies who struggle with reading and writing. I’m quite happy to sit next to them and write the words or help them write down how they actually feel.
Cohort 4 has shown me the person that I really am, the qualities that I couldn’t see myself. This group of ladies have obviously bought it out of me. This has made me. I am a completely different person. I don’t think I would ever have got that far without Cohort 4.
I started doing a lot of the creativity activities, the ladies seem to enjoy this, and they all get excited about the next craft session. I try and move around the room when we’re crafting. Sometimes they lose me because I’m on the floor next to one of the group. They ask, ‘where’s Julie gone?’ And I’ll suddenly pop up amongst them. I want to help because I want everyone to go home with something. Everyone’s not brilliant at craft, everyone can’t knit, everyone can’t crochet. But I want to teach so that everyone goes home with something that they are proud of and they love. I just want to listen and give help where it’s needed if I can.
The Own My Life course
My first marriage was good to begin with, but then completely changed. It became violent and full of psychological, mind games . You think you leave a marriage, and you think it’s all been left behind, and you think life is good, because you left the abuse behind, you’ve healed yourself, but oh boy you haven’t!
I would recommend any lady that has been through anything like that to do the ‘Own My Life’ course because that just completely opened up my eyes to all the things I hadn’t left behind and how much I hadn’t healed. You carry those feelings and what happened to you all through your life in terms of the harm. I don’t think you realise you are carrying it. This means certain little triggers in your life make you do things, and it bring back the bad memories of how you’ve been treated. Since completing ‘Own My Life’ at Cohort 4 I now realise that some of the things that I was still thinking and how I was treating myself was because I had never completely let go. I still have the memories, they never 100% leave you. But I have let them go. Some of the content went really deep. There’s content in the course about family and siblings that made me think about my dad and family issues. There were little snippets in the course that that helped me understand that I could let go, it was allowed. You choose your friends they are your family. You choose the people who are allowed to share your life. And that resonated with me deeply.
Peer Mentoring training
When I was invited to do the peer mentoring training, I realised that the Cohort 4 team could obviously see something in me, but there was still that little thing inside my head that told me I was not good enough. Also, I didn’t want the other ladies at Cohort 4 to see me any differently I’m part of their group and they’ve welcomed me as that person, as part of their group. I didn’t want them to think I was anything different, I was just like them and needed support. I didn’t want them to think that I thought I was different. It became apparent they didn’t think any differently about me. We are all members of the group Cohort 4 and bring all our differences to the table.
On sitting down with all those ladies at the peer mentoring training, it became apparent that all had the same purpose. We all wanted to do all the same thing, to help other women. I knew then that I could be a peer mentor, with guidance. It gave me confidence and purpose. I passed the training and now I am able to offer peer support and peer mentoring at Cohort 4.
Phoebe: comparing a year ago and now
Then – When I started coming to Cohort 4 I would have said I was a lady that didn’t know where she was going. She didn’t know what she wanted. She didn’t know who liked her. She thought everyone was looking at her and criticising her. She just didn’t really belong anymore. And she’s finished work and now she needed to find her niche. And she didn’t know where that was.
Now – I’m confident, I know where I’m going, I know what I want, I don’t care what I wear as long as it’s comfortable. I’m me going about my day-to-day stuff, doing what I want, what makes me happy and helping the people I choose to be in my life. I am unique in my own way because there’s only one of me and there’s only ever going to be one of me. With the time I’ve got left, however long that is, I’m going to make my stamp on this world and make my parents and husband proud.
In just a year at Cohort 4 it has resulted in a big change in me. I’m completely and utterly confident. I’ll go through a closed door, I’ll go in shops, I’ll talk to people. I talk to people when I’m out. I’ll compliment people. I’m just completely different. I’m not that tiny little mouse of a woman anymore. I’m a woman with confidence that knows what she wants and makes plans to go out and get it.
My hopes for Cohort 4
I hope Cohort 4 can continue to help and support the continual flow of women that need it. I hope we can promote ourselves so that women know that we’re there. I’d heard of Cohort 4 but I didn’t really 100% understand what it was about. I want other women to experience the amazing friendship and support that I have. To know they are not alone and they don’t have to be alone as they navigate the struggles that may sometimes come into their lives. If possible it needs to be helped to grow bigger and sustain itself. It’s a place of support no matter what walk of life you come from, what you have been through or what your next step in life is. It’s a group of diverse, different women, who come together to offer love, care, support and friendship, when it’s needed most.
Cohort 4 has completely changed my life in the last 12 months. It needs and must continue to grow.
Phoebe
7th May 2026
